Team ASMR
by resoundingdeluge
Summary: When Professor Ozpin needs a job done quietly, there's only one set of huntresses he knows he can count on. Legends of their exploits are breathily whispered across all of Vale, usually extremely close to a set of synthetic ears. They are... Team ASMR.


"I'm in position," Acrylic Nails said into the scroll mounted upon her lapel in a breathy whisper. A blue dreadlock fell across the screen and dragged over the microphone with a scratchy, rough sound before she brushed it away with a hand. "Slime and I are ready to approach from the east side of the warehouse."

"Affirmative," came the whispered reply through the device.

Acrylic stood from her crouched position behind a steel crate and gently fluttered her fingers in anticipation. The sound of her skin flickering against itself rang near-silently throughout the immediate area around her hands, and she let out a few calm, heavy breaths as she began to recite her affirmations.

"You can do this, team. You are special, and loved. You all make someone's day just by getting out of bed, and I'm so thankful to have you all here."

Unintelligible whispering came through her scroll in response from all three of her team mates. The audio came out in a mess of indecipherable, breathy tones, and Acrylic felt a series of tingles meander up the exposed flesh of her arms at the sound. Goosebumps raised on her dark skin, and she hugged herself by wrapping her arms around her tactical vest as she rocked gently from side to side. Within her bandolier were several hair brushes, an electric razor, and several vials of multicolored sand.

As her tingles subsided, Acrylic looked up and to her left and offered a nod as she spoke softly into her scroll.

"Slime, I need a headcount. Am I safe to move?"

Slime Surgery raised the binoculars to her amber eyes once again, and gazed out over the shelves and pallets below from her position atop the rafters. She wore only a simple dark green leotard and swim cap, for maximum mobility.

"Ten guards total," she whispered in response. "There's one on the other side of your crate, and three outside of the office that Massage and Reiki made it to. We'll have to move softly."

"Do we ever _not_ move softly?" came a third voice over the device, in a whisper.

"Oh, stop complaining, Reiki!" a fourth followed up just as softly. "This is our job. Ozpin knows we're the only ones who can handle it."

"I don't see why he can't just call Team THOT and be done with it. This is _weird!_" the third whined again.

Slime rolled her eyes, and turned her head to speak directly into her scroll. She began to move a hand close to the screen and then pulled it back before repeating the motions, to pluck at the built-in camera. "Team THOT has an entirely different purpose. What we do isn't that weird."

Acrylic sighed into her scroll. "Alright, enough. We have this same argument every night. We've gained a lot of popularity over the past few years. It's practically considered normal, at this point. Stay quiet, while I slip past this guard."

With a deep breath, Acrylic advanced to the edge of the crate and leaned around the corner to peek at her opponent. A grunt in a white ski mask and matching vest stood facing away from her, with some sort of firearm in his grip. Slowly, she leaned back around the crate and pressed her back to the metallic surface as she brought a hand down beside her hip, with the palm against the steel. Acrylic began to gently tap her nails on the surface in a rhythm as she closed her eyes.

"What was that noise!?" the guard cried out as he whirled and began to approach the box. Acrylic slipped around the steel, and continued to tap her nails as she went. Upon reaching the next side of the crate, she unholstered a vial from her bandolier and held it at the ready while continuing to tap softly.

The moment the guard rounded the corner, Acrylic grabbed for his throat and spun him with practiced grace. She rolled the ski mask up and over his nose, before jamming the vial into his mouth and tilting it back to pour its contents down his throat. A stream of pink pop rocks cascaded down the tube and into the guard's gullet, and Acrylic dropped the vial before clasping her hand over his mouth and using the other to hold her scroll up to his lips. Satisfying pops and crackles echoed into the microphone, and she received three sets of celebratory finger flutters in response.

"Nice," Slime offered in a low tone. "Repositioning." Slime triggered her semblance and melted down into a pile of goop wearing her clothing and scroll as she began to squeeze through a bisected vertical support beam. Soft tearing and squelching sounds resulted, and she made several passes through the structure before settling on the other side. "We should be almost done, now. Reiki, Massage, it's up to you."

From her crouched position in the office on the far side of the complex, Reiki Incense nodded as she watched Acrylic drop the motionless guard onto the floor. Her silken kimono gently rustled as she stood, and she held her scroll close to the fabric as she crouched, stood, crouched, stood again, and repeated the set of actions one last time, her long, pitch-black hair bouncing softly. Her sweater-clad partner, Massage Implements, nodded in approval.

"You're really good at that, sis."

"What? Standing up?" she whispered sarcastically.

"Clothing-based triggers. You know it's an important part of this."

"I just wish we didn't have to do this every night," Reiki replied as she pulled a lighter from an unseen pocket and held up a long, knotted staff of birch wood.

"At least we're getting good pay."

"Did you call Team GTFO for our extraction?" Reiki inquired as she lit the tip of the stick on fire and began to wave the sizzling end near her scroll.

"Of course I did! Keep that up, and I'll lay down the finishing touches." Massage reached into her backpack and pulled out a book. Slowly, she cracked it open and began to run her fingers along the pages, tracing letters and lines as she went.

The pair looked at each other as Acrylic's voice came across the comm line once again.

"That should do it," she whispered. "Professor Ozpin?"

The four waited with baited breath, and received no reply.

Reiki allowed herself a small smirk as she continued to slowly move her torch back and forth in front of her scroll. "Looks like tonight was a quick one."

* * *

In his office at the top of Beacon Academy's tower, Professor Ozpin lay slumped back into his chair. Wrapped around his head and ears were a pair of incredibly expensive, noise-cancelling headphones, the wire connected to a large monitor. Upon the display were four equally-sized rectangular sections, each showcasing a view of a huntress somewhere in a faraway warehouse. In the upper left panel, a dark-skinned girl leaned in to the camera with a smile, and tapped the glass.

"Mission accomplished, girls. Go Team Awesomer."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

There's really no excuse for this, so I'm not even going to try. This is what happens when you keep to an insane update schedule for a serious story.

**-RD**


End file.
